I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
