Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
