wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
