I murdered the dance floor call the cops
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
