hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize