I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Alive.
So much puke
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
