I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
