I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
