y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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