i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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