You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
