the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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