sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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