why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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