very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
