Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
