She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
how does that bad decision feel?
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