she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
