She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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