There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
