people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
