I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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