No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
