Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
