census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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