things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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