You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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