Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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