Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
