I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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