I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
