Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
