found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
where does the pee come out of this thing
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Can you bring me the toilet please
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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