He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Randomize
