Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
