I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
