I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
