i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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