I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
