I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Come see our sink grown plant.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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