woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
