I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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