I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
we're so committed to being not committed
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
