wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
