I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
