The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
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