I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Randomize