I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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