Pants 0. Shit 1.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
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