I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
