Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
