Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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