I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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