We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
