Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
