I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
