He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
